[00:00:00] Hey, y'. All. Hey. Yes. We are back with Coaching Cocktails and Conversations with Lolita E. Walker. And today we are on part two. If you remember, our last episode, we talked about rebranding professionally. We even used five project management principles in order to talk through it so we could relate it back to our lives. But y' all already know. I could not leave it right there. Nope. Because what about when it's not your LinkedIn that needs to refresh?
[00:00:27] What about when it's your relationships? Oh, my gosh. Are you ready to get into it? I'm getting my Coaching Cocktails and Conversations journal ready, and I hope you are, too. Let's go. Welcome to Coaching Cocktails and Conversations with Lolita E. Walker, the podcast that coaches you up while meeting you exactly where you are.
[00:00:48] Grab your water, tea, or something stronger and allow this podcast to help you feel the power in your paws.
[00:00:57] Come on in and join the conversation. Conversation. Let's go.
[00:01:05] Now, before we get into this episode and dig in, I know you have your. Your journal with you. I know we are ready to go and jump right in. But this episode is, again, all about branding and relationships. So I want you to imagine with me. Now, if you're new to this podcast, then sometimes we use imagery, but today, we are going to imagine that we are standing in front of a suitcase.
[00:01:28] A big, beautiful, wide open suitcase. It's big, y'. All. And your relationships are all packed in there. Now, some things, they're folded neatly, okay? And then some things, they're wrinkled up. You know how that happens? They're thrown in. And then some things, they don't even fit you anymore because they've all been packed right there, okay?
[00:01:49] Now, as we imagine, you are going to head somewhere new with this suitcase with all of these clothing inside of it.
[00:01:58] So today, we're going to unpack it, we're going to repack it, we're going to rebrand it, and we are going to see how we relate to others. So I want you to imagine this huge suitcase, the largest one you have, inside of your room right there by your bed. And you are going on this journey with me. Now, I told you, there's going to be five parts, so we're going to get started right now. And part one is about unpacking the old baggage.
[00:02:22] Now, one of the things I'll say is that this episode, I imagine that it can get extremely emotional. And I'm not just saying that for you. I'm also saying that for me, because even as I talk to you all Right in a privacy of my own home, recording this podcast right here. I know that this is going to bring up things for me, too. And like I always tell you all, I am doing the work at the same time that you're doing the work. So we're going to pull out that suitcase because we are about to start unpacking.
[00:02:51] Now, every rebrand, you know, we're talking about rebranding. This is the part two. Every rebrand, it starts with honesty, right? And sometimes we might not be as honest with ourselves as we think we are, so we're gonna challenge ourselves in so many different places, y'. All. Yep. Coaching. But cocktails and conversations and the cocktails again is about giving you a cheers for even moving forward on all of these parts and really thinking to yourself, how am I gonna unpack this old baggage as my first step?
[00:03:19] So we're going to ask ourselves things like, what patterns have I been repeating?
[00:03:25] Hmm.
[00:03:26] I'm thinking to myself, what roles have I been performing that no longer serve me inside of this relationship?
[00:03:36] And then who am I carrying out a habit, guilt, or fear of?
[00:03:42] Now, I'm going to say those again, because what you really should do, what I'm doing right now inside of this moment, is thinking about an instance, thinking about a specific relationship, Whether it's a platonic relationship or your partner. Think about a relationship, whether it's your mom, your friend, your family member, whoever that is, I want you to have somebody in mind so we can play this all out together.
[00:04:04] And this rebranding, this honesty, this unpacking of it, these questions that you want to ask yourself, I have a person in mind, so I have a relationship in mind right now. But what patterns have I been repeating with this person that I brought in from other baggage, from another relationship?
[00:04:24] What roles have I been performing that no longer serve me inside of this relationship?
[00:04:30] Who am I carrying out this habit, this guilt, or this fear?
[00:04:37] Are you having any of those? And are you carrying any of those out inside of this relationship? Now, here's the thing. As you all know, emotional baggage is not just trauma. Actually, sometimes it's really about what. Like the stories that you've been telling yourself about who you need to be for somebody else. Now, I don't know if you've been there, but I know I have. And I know some of my clients have. Whether you are taking on a role like the caregiver, the role, maybe even like a peacemaker, maybe even the real strong one, because you always have to stand up and be strong, the one who Never needs help, whatever that is. It could be heavy, and, baby, it is slowing you all the way down, right?
[00:05:19] Sometimes it feels so heavy to carry those things.
[00:05:23] So when we get into the coaching piece, some of the questions that you can ask yourself, what have I been carrying that's no longer mine to even carry? Like, whose stuff am I really carrying on my shoulders?
[00:05:35] And then say it out loud, write it down. Give yourself permission to really lay it down on your bedroom floor of life, and leave it right there. This is the suitcase. We are unpacking the old baggage.
[00:05:49] So sometimes you might need to press it on pause right here to go back into the exercise. You might have to rewind this a little bit. This is kind of giving me a feel of season one, when I started coaching cocktails and conversations. This is season six now, but season one and I really broke down different sections. It's evolved over time. But in season one, if you ever go back, probably season one, two, and three, it really broke it down into coaching. Literally, I was taking you on this coaching journey, some of which were questions or real exercises that I would think of in order to gauge you through and make sure you had those prompts. And then cocktails was really about celebrating and giving you a cheers for what it is we just had gone through inside of that coaching exercise. And then conversations was either a back and forth with a guest or to talk it out, or it was just you and I kind of chatting right here. And this gives me a feel about that. But I want you to leverage these questions to really ask yourself about unpacking the old baggage in whatever relationship that we're taking a look at right now.
[00:06:54] All right, so that's part one. Unpacking it. Let me see. One, two, three. I think I asked you probably about five questions inside of that section right there. So press, pause, rewind, do all of the things, because those are really important, and I'm actually doing them myself as well.
[00:07:10] Now let's go to part two. Part two is about trying on your new identity. Okay, now we've unpacked all of the things, and now we're trying on our new identity. So we're gonna open up some space inside of that suitcase. Remember, that's our metaphor. So I want you to imagine with me again. I want you to imagine holding up this beautiful garment that's inside of your bag, and now this becoming your new identity in relationships.
[00:07:36] Now, what if that new identity said things like, listen, I speak up for myself, I set boundaries without there being any guilt around them. I Allow myself to love, to support, and to be soft.
[00:07:52] Some of these might be talking to me, y'. All. I don't shrink to keep others comfortable. And I know from working with some of my clients, I know from life experience, I know from coaching others that we fall into this all of the time.
[00:08:10] So now it's about trying on that new identity and actually getting really clear inside of that. So I'm going to ask you those questions again, and I want you to kind of think about them.
[00:08:20] You're holding up this garment and asking yourself what needs to be true. For me to say, I'm looking at this thing and my identity is on here. I'm speaking up for myself.
[00:08:32] Everybody's not going to like it, and the relationship might falter, but I will speak up for myself. My voice, it matters.
[00:08:39] I set boundaries without guilt. How many relationships have you walked into and not set boundaries up front?
[00:08:47] That has created hurt, that has created gray areas, that has created, like, curved lines. I know I have.
[00:08:54] I allow love, support, and softness.
[00:08:58] Sometimes because we're so strong, sometimes because we are that strong and we're holding it up for so many other people. It's hard for us to move the wall out of the way to open up the door. I don't know if you all heard that podcast episode that I did one time, and I was talking about these boundaries. I think it's actually called something around boundaries. And there being a door on the gate, and you can choose to close the door or to have the door open. You can choose to have the door unlocked. You. You can choose to even take the door off of its hinges, but are you going to allow people inside of your place and in your space and move the hurt out of the way? I allow love.
[00:09:38] I allow support. I allow softness. Kind of sounds like an affirmation, right? What if that was the area where you're struggling with and every day you woke up and affirmed yourself that I allow this love into my space. I am going to allow support. I'm not going to say, no, don't open a door for me. I am going to allow that love and support. I am going to allow this softness to occur because I have to become vulnerable in order to get to the place and the peace and the space that I absolutely want.
[00:10:11] But here's the thing. You have to try it on first.
[00:10:14] Rebranding in relationships mean you start showing up differently before others are even ready for it. So that's going to come as a surprise, because people aren't used to seeing you that way.
[00:10:26] Now, again, this can work no matter if you are talking with your friends, a relationship with your family, a platonic relationship, a partner inside of a relationship, whatever that is. What if you ask yourself, if I showed up tomorrow in full alignment with who it is that I am truly becoming, how would I communicate differently in my closest relationships? Would you communicate differently?
[00:10:52] Of course you would. But what could it sound like? Now, don't forget, this is going to feel kind of awkward. It might rub up against people the wrong way. It might have people rethinking because you're shifting just a little bit. That's what rebranding does, y'. All.
[00:11:06] It shifts the perception to match the truth. It shifts what other people think of us to match where it is that we're going. It shifts how we might have even seen us yesterday before we decide that, yes, I'm going to walk differently.
[00:11:21] So as you try on this new identity, as you go out and really step into this new you, that has boundaries, that allows this love, support and softness, that reminds you not to shrink, to keep others comfortable. It's hard out here in these streets. So I know that it's work. But I'm also telling you, no matter, even if it's in school, even if it's like creating space for you to do the work because you can actually see where it is you're going, whatever that is, set boundaries, know what they are and do it without guilt. Gift yourself permission to do that thing.
[00:11:57] Are you walking into a new relationship? You really like somebody, that's great.
[00:12:04] What are you not willing to compromise? And what are you willing to allow yourself to be more vulnerable about?
[00:12:10] Because that's the pieces that we can own as well. Right? Makes sense. I know, I know.
[00:12:17] Coaching, cocktails and conversations, I tell you, it's always something juicy going on around here.
[00:12:22] All right, let's move on to part three. Part three? Remember I told you that there's five parts? Part three is about cleaning out the pockets.
[00:12:31] Now you tried this thing on and now you're cleaning out the pockets? Yes. Don't forget the pockets. How many of you? All. I have a 13 year old son and I promise you, every time I go to wash clothes, I'm finding money. I will find money. I might fall in bubble. I might find a phone number, I might find a sheet of paper. Whatever it is, think about laundry, right? You gonna check those pockets. So these are the little beliefs and these are the little behaviors that we forget are even in there.
[00:13:00] In our metaphor, of course, it's saying yes when you actually mean no. Oh, my gosh. It's saying no when you actually mean yes. It's apologizing for the truth that is coming out of your mouth is shrinking. When it's really time to shine. It is all those little beliefs and behaviors that we just kind of give up because we forgot that they were even right there. They could seem small, right? But these are the things that really weigh you down and cause you sleepless nights over and over again because you're like, damn, I really should have said yes.
[00:13:36] I wanted to say yes, but I sat there and I said no.
[00:13:40] I really wanted to say no to that. And I sat there and I said yes. And now I'm sitting here and I'm so overwhelmed. Or I'm sitting here and I'm on this phone or I'm on social media for now five hours. And I woke up early especially to do this task, setting boundaries around those.
[00:13:57] I know you're right there. I know.
[00:13:59] So you can ask yourself things like what micro behaviors inside of this particular relationship you're thinking about right now are quietly sabotaging your growth?
[00:14:11] Are you self sabotaging? Hmm.
[00:14:15] I've been there. Yep. Absolutely. Are you self sabotaging? That's why in our last episode, we talked about going back and reassessing, reassessing and monitoring and reaffirming and moving on a different path because you know where it is you want to go. In this case, you know where it is, where your boundaries are. Why? Because when we unpacked, we were clear on our boundaries. Right now that we're cleaning out the pockets and we're figuring out how are we sabotaging ourselves? Maybe we were moving out of some of those boundaries. And that's how the link is made right there.
[00:14:56] We're going to start small. We're going to start one shift at a time. No need to do it altogether and huge. What if we just stopped over explaining today?
[00:15:06] What if you just didn't justify your boundaries? What if you said no and then it was complete with a period? What if you owned your yes and respected that no. That is cleaning out the pockets. So good, right? Oh, my gosh, I love these metaphors. Sometimes I think about them in a shower.
[00:15:26] I'm drawing something out. I'm procrastinating on something I'm supposed to be doing. I'm like, oh, this. It's really the power of it. Or I'm talking to a client and as they're talking, I think of a metaphor right there and I say, hey, draw this out.
[00:15:43] And then I say, ooh, let me come back to the podcast and actually talk to somebody about this. So sometimes you have some of my clients to really thank for these, for these amazing metaphors that show up right here.
[00:15:54] Okay, we're going to keep on going because we love to keep this a power half an hour or less. Okay, now for part five, because we. Oh, no, no, no. We're not going to move to part five yet. We're moving to part four. Okay. How am I going to miss this? After we check the pockets, then we're repacking. Now it's time to repack with intention. We moved out some things. We've set some boundaries. We've done all of the things from our steps one through three, but now we are repacking with intention.
[00:16:23] Right.
[00:16:25] But it has to align in where it is we're going.
[00:16:28] Here's what goes back in. All right? Everything's not going back in a suitcase, y', all, because that's where we started from. So what goes back in is the relationships that's rooted in mutual growth.
[00:16:39] Are y' all both gonna grow together?
[00:16:41] Maybe you weren't honest in that relationship. Maybe it's time to go back, if it's not too far gone, and say, hey, you know what? I just really wanna be honest in this relationship.
[00:16:52] They both need to be rooted in mutual growth.
[00:16:56] And if it's lopsided, then you really have to think about if it's going back in your suitcase, because it might be a little too carry. Carry. Lord. Might be a little too heavy for you to carry. So think about that.
[00:17:08] Another thing that's going back in is boundaries that protect your energy.
[00:17:14] Boundaries that protect your energy.
[00:17:16] If it's not protecting your energy, y', all, it doesn't get to go back in a suitcase. And it could be difficult.
[00:17:22] But in this instance, we are saying, no, it's not gonna be difficult. We're putting it back in because our energy matters way more than whatever this relationship is that I thought was even more than maybe what it is. It's too heavy.
[00:17:37] What's going back in is clear communication.
[00:17:39] And sometimes that's checking us before we rock ourselves. Okay, Sometimes the communication might be on our side that's not very clear.
[00:17:47] Remember, we're telling our truth.
[00:17:50] Or sometimes it might be that the communication continues to be off from someone else and it's not protecting your energy. Whatever the case may be, we are only putting back in clear communication, and we're putting back in permission to evolve. That's it?
[00:18:05] That's all that's going back into this suitcase. Why? Because we are repacking with intention.
[00:18:12] You're not discarding people.
[00:18:14] You're redefining access.
[00:18:17] Everyone doesn't get to go in a first class seat on your next flight. Absolutely not.
[00:18:23] So it's not the people you're discarding. You are redefining and recommitting to the access to you. Because you are the most important thing right here in these relationships. Okay? So when you're writing out your exercises, you can think about what relationships or habits or even mindsets honestly belong in your suitcase. For this next chapter, choose with extreme love. Choose with compassion, but choose with clarity. Okay? This is all about. What do I always say? Clarity plus confidence equals commitment.
[00:19:01] Clarity plus confidence equals commitment.
[00:19:05] And remember, alignment over attachment. Every single time we get attached, don't we? But it might not be that we're aligned.
[00:19:13] I know I'm talking to somebody out there for sure.
[00:19:16] Okay, now let's go to part five. Now we're ready.
[00:19:20] Part five is all about navigating the journey ahead. Okay?
[00:19:25] Now it's time to navigate the journey ahead. We're clear on what we're putting back in our suitcase. And now we're navigating what's next. That's what it's asking. Like, what next.
[00:19:36] We're walking into every space from now on, into every conversation that we have, into every commitment as the new re rebranded version of ourselves. Okay? We're no longer seeking approval for who it is that we become because we recognize what that has already shifted. We've recognized that it's gonna feel different to other people. We recognize that we might have to say, you know what? I woke up this morning and I kind of repacked. I unpacked and I repacked.
[00:20:03] I cleaned out the pockets of the relationships I have. And this is where I see you fitting into it. I hope you're going to be on this journey with me. And this is some of the boundaries that I've set.
[00:20:14] I think it's awesome. What boundaries do you have? Make it into a whole conversation and know that it's not selfish. It's truly sacred.
[00:20:23] This means that you might outgrow some connections and it's okay. Remember we talked about the guilt up front because that does come with it. But when you're really clear on where it is that you're going to, you'll really start to see how it might be outgrown and know that that's okay. You might redefine how you love how you love your friends, how you engage, how you love your partner. You might reimagine those things. You might redefine those things. And don't forget, we're communicating. We're communicating because that we talked about that earlier. And you might even learn to love yourself in a different way now. Wouldn't that be cool?
[00:21:03] Wouldn't that be super cool? I have some clients that, as we go through exercises like this and they come back, you know, week after week, they might come back every two weeks, depending on what type of package and relationship that we have together. But sometimes the navigating, the journey ahead is so exciting where it is that they headed. When they look back and they look at all the tears, they're like, oh, my gosh. It was because I was so unclear. It's because I was sitting in something and didn't really need to. But we are so super attached.
[00:21:36] I've been there. I know you have been, but maybe not. Maybe not.
[00:21:41] Maybe this is for the future. Maybe this is to press pause. Maybe this is really to send to someone else.
[00:21:47] So ask yourself, what new standard am I going to uphold in how I allow others to love me and see me?
[00:21:57] Are you even allowing others to love you and see you?
[00:22:01] Is that a thing? Is the wall up so high that now you've been hurt so much that now you have to look back over and be like, oh, my gosh. Okay, let me put that down a little bit.
[00:22:12] Let me retract it just a little bit.
[00:22:15] Let me pull back.
[00:22:17] Because I want to be loved in my full self. I want to be seen in my full self. And everybody's not going to see and love me the way that I want, but I have to know how I want to be love, and that is important, y'. All. It's time to travel light.
[00:22:33] It's time to love heavy. And it's time to show all the way up in our full selves. And it's not easy, but it's podcasts like this, coaching, cocktails, and conversations that you can come back. You can listen, you can press pause, you can rewind, you can listen to again and again and again.
[00:22:49] You can save. You can write a review on. You can do all of the things because you're not in this thing alone. All right?
[00:22:57] And then as we close, I want to give a call to action. Okay?
[00:23:02] Now, this episode might have stirred something up inside of you, so here's your call to action.
[00:23:08] Share it with somebody. You just talked about it. They could be repacking Their relationship suitcase the same way that we are. Don't forget to tag me at hey, Coach Walker on Instagram. I'd love to stay on a journey beside of you, maybe even behind you, as you leap forward and tell me, what are you leaving behind? What are you leaving behind?
[00:23:28] And then finally, if you're ready to go deeper, we could hop on a clarity chat lolita walker.com so just be sure to really immerse yourself into this. Rewind it. It wasn't too long just to hear some of what we've been talking about. Because what happens when you remind yourself that you are rebranding?
[00:23:51] If you thought this was super powerful, then you've got to wait until these other episodes or go back to some other episodes because I'm telling you, we do the work. We do the work right here. How you think, how you speak for yourself, how you define worthiness, how you define capacity.
[00:24:07] Now here's the part that I was waiting to tell you all. This is a five part series about rebranding within. Now, if you remember, part one was rebranding with project management tools. Okay?
[00:24:18] Now part two is rebranding in relationships. That's what we're listening to right now. Part three is gonna be about rebranding your mindset. We are cleaning out the mental closet. We're tossing old beliefs and we are trying on new ones that actually fit for the version that we are rising to become. And in this episode, I have a super dynamic Coach coming on, Dr. Lisa M. Jones. Now, if you've never heard of her, you are in for a super, super treat. She is a mindset coach and she is amazingly powerful. This will be her second time on our podcast and she leaves nothing but powerful little nuggets along the way. And I am so excited about this. So make sure you stay tuned in for that one. Part four that I'm going to get into with you all is rebranding your environment.
[00:25:07] Okay, rebranding your environment. Now that's going to be a good one. What if the room that you're in, it no longer reflects your rise?
[00:25:18] It might actually be time to renovate the space. It might be time to renovate the people. It might be time to renovate the circles around you, your community, your rebrand. It deserves a room that matches you. And sometimes we need a little bit of a newness in our decoration. So that's that. Part four that's gonna come and then you gotta stay tuned because part five is bringing it all together. It's talking about rebranding Your legacy.
[00:25:44] Now, this one right here, this is. We are getting close to this ripple effect. That's what it's all going to be about, about this ripple effect. Because why? Rebranding is not just for today.
[00:25:55] It's for your future self, it's for your community, it's for the next generation. It's for those that are watching you right now. It's for those who are watching you right now in all that you are becoming.
[00:26:08] So whether you're going to be sipping on tea or something stronger, whatever that is, you are going to be smooth sailing throughout this shift. Okay. You're going to press play, you're going to press rewind, you're going to go back to some others potentially, and then you are going to tap into the rebrand within. Because it's not just part one about the rebranding and understanding these project management tools where I took you through five of them. It's not just about rebranding relationships. It's not just about rebranding your mindset, it's not just about rebranding your environment, but it's about rebranding the legacy that is you. When you're no longer here, what will people say about you? It's that type of legacy. This series has been about and will be about all things about reclaiming who you are, where you're going, and how you are boldly walking to get to that place. So I'm super excited about where we're going on the journey. I hope you are too. Make sure you tell a friend it's going to be good. As we continue to move forward. If you have a show idea that you would like for me to bring on and really relate it to personal and professional growth, how to shift your mindset, how to think a little bit differently, then let's do it. Leadership 101, Leadership 201, 301, whatever the course is. You know, sometimes I work with C suite executives and I'll tell you that some of the concerns are still the same.
[00:27:34] Absolutely. No matter where it is that you are. Fundamentally, we're talking about clarity plus confidence equals commitment, period.
[00:27:46] Whether it's strategy we're looking at or digging deeper into the day to day operations with another employee, it matters and you matter. Your voice matters. Relationships matter. And relationships are the things that get things done, y'. All. So we need to make room inside of our suitcase in order to build new relationships. Because relationships are those things that when we have a mutual understanding, when we have a mutual love or passion, or we can see the end state. Then we're going to build on those things. We're going to build on those things.
[00:28:16] Okay. I hope all of this makes sense to you. And until next time, here's a cheers to your rebrand. Okay. Here's a cheers to your reband, because I can already see the greatness of where it is that you're going. I've shaken myself up a little bit. I've gotten a little more confident in this episode as well, because I'm thinking about a specific relationship, and I'm like, mm, yep. Mm. I'm gonna go back. I'm gonna do these exercises too, because I told you, every time we go through, I'm even challenging myself. And this is so super important. I even have some additional clarifying questions in order to help my own client to move forward in her relationship building. As far as the suitcase that she unpacked and then repacked again.
[00:29:02] Oh, this is so good. I hope you took as much from this as I did. I hope you're gonna go back through, because the five steps that we just talked about today is first. What? Unpacking the old baggage? Absolutely. Then we're trying on our new identity. Why are we trying it on? We're not just folding it up and waiting for somebody else to say, you've changed. We've already done it. We're already showing up in a full alignment of who it is that we're becoming.
[00:29:28] We are cleaning out the pockets on our third step, and then we are repacking with intention. Okay. We are then navigating a journey ahead, and all of these things we are doing with a call of action.
[00:29:40] I love it. So make sure you write to me and let me know how it's going on your journey. And I personally cannot wait to hear from you about rebranding in relationships. All right, y'. All. We have concluded yet another episode of Coaching Cocktails and Conversations, the podcast with Lolita E. Walker. Don't forget to connect with
[email protected] for speaking coaching paraphernalia and my books, the intersection of you and change.
[00:30:10] Can we talk? Letters and poems to reclaim a bolder you, Dear black girl. Can we talk?
[00:30:17] Dear anxiousness, can we talk? And it's not fair. A book about divorce by a son and his mom. Listen, Coaching Cocktails and Conversations is a movement. It's a coaching community, a Facebook group, and so much more. So go ahead and lean in to Coaching Cocktails and Conversations. And next time, bring a friend, invite them to, like to share and leave that five star review. Can't wait to see you next time around my kitchen table at Coaching Cocktails and Conversations. The podcast Free audio post production by alphonic. Com.
