What if You Chose to Break the Cycle?

[00:00:00] Welcome, welcome, welcome. I am Lolita E. Walker. I'm a certified life leadership and executive coach. I am a power speaker. I'm an author. I am all of the things I love to come to you and bring you a little bit of what I call coaching cocktails and conversations. Welcome to coaching cocktails and conversations with Lolita E. Walker, the podcast that coaches you up while meeting you exactly where you are. Grab your water teeth or something stronger and allow this podcast to help you feel the power in your pause. Come on in and join the conversation. Lester, what if you chose to break the cycle? What if you just simply chose to break the cycle? So you might be saying, lolita, what cycle are you talking about? Well, I'm gonna give you a couple metaphors today. I'm also gonna leave you with five strategies on just how to do that, how you can consider just leaping in on that aspect today as well. I want you to first start off with your CCNC journal. If you have your coaching cocktails and conversations journal, you can open it up. If you don't, then you can grab [email protected] but you can also grab a sheet of paper, or if you are driving and listening in, I just want you to imagine, all right, so I want you to think about everything that's going on in your life. For me, when I started off, I told you, I'm a certified life leadership and executive coach. I'm an author. I'm a podcaster. I'm on a board of education. I am an educator. I'm a mommy. You name it, we are doing it. And I'm not alone in doing all of the things we do, all of the things every single day. So I want you to just think about one aspect of your life, and I want you to imagine a train. You know, I'm always talking about your own change train, and you are the conductor aboard your train. But every day, think about a train that it follows the same route, it passes the same landscapes, you might have the same people that sitting beside you on a train. It stops at the same train stations. It's reliable, it's predictable, it does the same thing, but it's also confined to its tracks. [00:02:06] And I want you to think about, are you confined to your tracks? This train is really, in my estimation, a metaphor for our lives, where we're stuck inside of a cycle. And today I'm talking about, what if you chose to break your cycle? Okay? But one day, what if the track shifts? What if the train decides to shift onto a different track. What if your train decides to shift onto a different track to venture off? Imagine the new landscapes that you'll discover. [00:02:36] I talked about how I was an author before I started meeting some of the people that's listening in right now. And it wasn't until I started going in spaces that were talking poetry all of the time. And I'm like, oh. And it resparked something in me. I hadn't written in years. I hadn't written poetry in years, and something started shaking me. Never would have I ever have imagined that I would publish a poetry book. And I started going in, and I started leveraging the power of my voice. I started writing, and then I got so nervous, like, you know, you get this, this. This kaleidoscope of butterflies in your belly. And I started reading out loud to people that I didn't know, and they started giving me their input, and it started powering them, and it started giving them motivation. And so I started writing more and more and saying it more and more. And all of a sudden, I. I have 44 letters and poems that was to. Dear contagious vulnerability, dear black girl, dear black boy, dear forgiveness. All of these things, and I'm writing these, and they ended up being this amazing book. Can we talk? And it all started at can we talk? Those are the things that. What if you allowed yourself just to venture off the tracks of the train that you're writing right now? I want you to think about all of the things that you said I would do, all of the things that you're saying I can't do, all of the things that you're saying I won't do. I'm a PhD student. All of the things that I haven't even explored yet because I'm not reading as much as I should inside of research, all of the endless possibilities of connecting with other people that's on a journey and learning where it is that they might have gotten stuck today is about choosing to break the cycle. So, I told you about the train and veering off the tracks, and you were the conductor aboard the train, so you are able to actually do those things. Breaking the cycle, though, isn't just about trains and tracks. So I want you to consider another metaphor, because we all think differently. I want you to picture a butterfly. Okay? Picture a butterfly. Now, we all know the lifespan of a butterfly. So once it's a caterpillar and it's confined to the ground, right. You know that it goes through this transformation of not only crawling anymore, but I want you to think that is breaking its cycle. Its cycle of its previous existence. [00:04:56] How it existed before, how you existed before is shifting. And I want to encourage you to think about emerging and now having the ability to fly. You have that. And sometimes you need a partner along the way. Sometimes you need a coach, sometimes you need a therapist. Sometimes you just need, need a mentor. Sometimes you need somebody to your neighbor. Knock on the door. It's like, listen, I walk every morning at 06:00 I want to invite you on a journey, and one day they're going to come out with you. [00:05:23] It starts off, nah, that's too early, I can't get up. But guess what? That's not going to stop your show. You're inviting others to hold yourself accountable. Maybe you want somebody to talk to, maybe you need that. But now that you've said it out loud and now that you say 06:00 is my time, imagine you now being accountable for yourself. You are starting to soar because you have greater things in mind. It might be your health, it might be losing weight, it might be to get active, it might be to finally have a break from your work that you're doing day in and day out, and you just can't take it being in the house anymore, whatever that thing is in your life. I want to encourage you to now not only be the caterpillar, but blossom into the butterfly. And today I'm going to leave you with, with these five strategies on considering these. But first, I wanted to really shape it up with giving you some metaphors so that you can think through and think about how you sit inside of this place, in this space. Okay, so we talked about a train. We talked about how you were the conductor aboard your train. We talked about how you can choose to have it go a different way on different tracks. It's your choice. Absolutely. You don't have to see the same landscapes at all. Nobody told you that? You're writing your own narrative. It's amazing, this thing called life. [00:06:39] I talked to you about this amazing caterpillar that turns into a butterfly and it leaving its existence. What if you chose to fly today? Easy. You just choose it. Done, done and done. I want to see the world from a different perspective. I want to reach higher heights. I want to do things differently. I want to soar from a different plateau. I want to jump from an airplane that is on my list every time I hear someone. I think I heard Tm jumped out of an airplane not too long ago when I said, oh, getting closer and closer. Absolutely. [00:07:12] Why not? Why not go up in hot air balloon. That's on my list, too. Why not go to Greece? I have done that. [00:07:20] Why not go to Italy? I have done that. Why not write out a list of add your age. Are you 30? Why not write 30 things that you're absolutely going to do this year or you're absolutely going to do next year? Your 31st year. [00:07:37] What about me writing out I'm going to be 47 next year. Oh my gosh. What about writing out 47 things I'm going to do next year? Absolutely. And all of them don't have to be grand or cost a million dollars. Some might be like, I'm just going to park in DC and I'm just going to walk around and I'm just going to walk inside of different places that I've never been before. Why not? [00:07:57] Guess what? I'm always giving soul work and that's something that I'm going to do. So I encourage you to as well. If you're my coaching client, then you know that I take you on so many explorations and so you could be doing that soon. I want to give you one more metaphor because sometimes we just grab these nuggets from different places. I want you to think about a seed. Okay. I want you to think about a seed. It's buried in the darkness of soil. You imagine it's just buried in the darkness of soil. But what happens? It breaks open. It breaks open. It could remain a seed indefinitely, but it chooses to break open a shell to push through the soil, to grow up towards the sunlight and to even blossom sometimes with flowers. I'm looking at around my house right now and I have so many plants and trees and there was a time where if I looked at a plant, I would kill it, guys. I swear, it just didn't like me. I looked at a plant, it would be dead in like 0.5 seconds. [00:08:50] When I moved into this new place, I said, you know what? I am going to pick it up. I absolutely love how they look and how they grow. I can do this thing. And so I talked about it so much that friends of mine, when I moved in, they would come over with a pot and they're like, listen, I took a piece of my plant and I want to gift it to you. So I started off with three, maybe I started off with four. Four friends gave it, gave me some plants and some beautiful potters. Beautiful, beautiful. And they are growing. I named them all, talked to them all, dust them all off, do all the things beautiful. But I take care of it because it was given to me. It was given to me by someone. Right. I take care of it because I've already said that this is what I want. I can see it. When you can see it and you know it and you trust it, then you do it because you believe it, you will achieve it. Absolutely right. And they're beautiful. You got to know and trust and believe that you got this thing. [00:09:46] You too can blossom. You too can break the shell. This is you. So breaking the cycle. Whether it's on a train changing the route, whether it's the caterpillar that's turning into the butterfly, whether it's the seed that's blossoming to amazingness, I want you to know that you today can make a conscious decision to shift. [00:10:06] So, to my coaching, cocktails and conversations, family, I want to pause. I want you to think about, what are you going to shift today? I want you to think about that. What are you going to absolutely shift today? It's a choice. And more importantly, are you ready to venture off? Are you ready? [00:10:23] If you say, no, no, no, I'm not ready. I want to ask you then, why not? Why not? What's keeping you stuck? There's so much. And tomorrow's not promised. So what about taking that walk outside today? What about saying, you know what, I work so much, I work so hard all day. I'm going to take ten minutes out at lunch and I'm just going to walk around the building. I was going to walk around if I work at home, my neighborhood. Today, I'm going to get out and I'm going to go to the library, actually, because I know I get so unfocused when I'm at home. I'm going to go to the library and I'm going to do some work today. I'm going to reach out and I'm going to call five potential customers or clients, and I'm going to share with them why they need to be doing coaching with me, why they need to hire me as their social media manager, why they need to hire me in order to do their finances via CPA. I'm gonna help to tell the story about why I stand out bigger, better and bolder than anyone else and what the value is for them. I am gonna do that today. Why not allow you to do that? [00:11:28] Sandra just wrote, I love that Sandra. Sandra wrote on LinkedIn and says 60 things to do before I'm 50. Let's hope. I think she meant 50 things to do before I'm 50, but she could have meant 60. Absolutely sandra. Absolutely. I'm going to do that. So let's hold ourselves accountable to that. Sandra. Sandra doesn't live far from me, so we'll hold ourselves accountable to do that. We're already working on our accountability before bible study. Here's the thing, is that you can do it, guys. So we have 15 minutes here together, and so I want to leave you with a couple of things. I want to leave you with this notion of break. Remember, I told you I'm going to leave you with some strategies. So the b is about being simply like the butterfly. I want you to embrace transformation. I want you to know, because you know in your mind what cycle you need to break. I want you to transform like the butterfly. I want you to go from being the caterpillar that's on the ground to now soaring. Go from being in complacency of where you are, and you might be high inside of your corporation. You might be high in life. The blessings just continue. You're here on this side of earth. Amen. So I want you to know that where you are, it's not necessarily a bad thing, but I know, I trust, I believe that you going up another notch. [00:12:39] Embrace the new challenge. It could be learning a new skill. It could mean adopting a new strategy. It could be getting with the five clients. It could be talking to somebody on clubhouse. It could be making a new friend, connecting with somebody on Instagram, going in and asking them. I remember, doctor, Jeannie told me one time, you know, Lolita, I wanted you to speak for the speakers bureau where she is, but I just was so nervous to ask you at that time. But I got the courage, and I did, and I said, absolutely. Let's talk about dates. Where is it? Let's get there. Let's do it. And it was so much fun. Sometimes you already have to know. I want you to leap further. I want you to soar higher. The r is about routing, like the train. Shift your route. Shift your route, you know, for safety reasons. If sometimes, if you follow the same route, it gets predictable. Sometimes you got to go down a different type of street. Sometimes you got to leave about ten minutes, a little later. Sometimes you have to take waves and take the detour that you're not used to, but it'll get you there at the end of the day. Sometimes you have to trust, believe, and know that it's okay to be the conductor aboard your train and be willing to change your route. Decide to venture off the track. Don't be afraid to step off of the familiar track. You know exactly what is in your head about what you want to do at this particular time, what needs to shift. And I want you to take the opportunity to do that. [00:14:08] Take the opportunity to do that. What are you going to shift? You can type it in. You can say, you can do all of the things. What are you going to do? The e is about emerging like the seed. We talked about the seed. Push through the obstacles, push through the soil, push through the coating of the seed of. Push through the thing that you've been procrastinating forever. Push through the thing that you've been putting off and saying, oh, my gosh, I'll do that tomorrow. Like my son, I always talk about my son. My son is twelve now. He had a birthday in April. And every morning I get up and I walk at 06:00. Okay, I walk at 06:00. And every day this week I've been saying, hey, you want to go? And every day is tomorrow, hey, you want to go? But guess what? I know one day he will. He just rolls over. Imma do it. And one day he will. I know, and it'll happen. But sometimes you have to show it. Do it. And that was my example earlier when I said, grab the neighbor. I asked my neighbor yesterday, hey, you want to come out with me? And she's like, oh, no, that is too early. But one day, I know she will, because that's what we do. That's what we do. Sometimes you need somebody else to be the role model in your life in order to pick it up. Who's role modeling in your life so you could pick it up. Who's already doing a podcast, and you want to do a podcast? I am. Who's already doing it? Well, ask them a question. How did you get started? Here's five steps on how to get started today. [00:15:27] It's easy. Just do it. [00:15:31] You want to write that book, talk to somebody who's an author. [00:15:35] You want to start a new business, you know, people who are entrepreneurs. Start a new business. You want to learn something new. You want to jump into a PhD program. You want to see what it's all about. You want to see how you can. You can. You can further work from other scholars into it. Emerge like the seed. [00:15:51] Actively seek new perspectives, new opportunities. Guys, just as the butterfly, we're going to see the world from a different perspective. Yes. Yes. Yes. I love that Sandra said, yes. Come on, role model. I want you to role model. Absolutely. I want you to look around and see who is inside of your circle. That is a role model of at least that aspect of where you want to go. They might not be role modeling all of the things that, but they could be role modeling just where you want to go in an aspect of your life. [00:16:22] Public speaking. Somebody grabbed me the other day and said, hey, I wanted to know, can you create a coaching program where I can just get better at public speaking? I recognize that. It's a fear of mine. Absolutely. But how would you know if you didn't ask the question? You wouldn't know. [00:16:38] She sees that that's a gap. She sees that there's someone who is doing it how she wants to. There's a piece that she. There's an aspect of Lolita that she wants in her life. There's an aspect of Sandra that somebody wants in their life. There's an aspect of Mary Lynn or Tricia or Judith or Schaefer. There's so many different people that have amazing aspects inside of them. And you might only need that one piece right there. So ask, how'd you do that? What are you doing? Can we get together? How's Saturday work for you? Saturday at 02:00 doesn't work. What about Thursday at five? Work it out. When are you free for half an hour so I could just pick your brain just a little bit? You never know unless you ask the question. I want us to then keep moving forward. [00:17:23] Just as the train keeps moving forward. No matter what, you keep pushing forward. [00:17:28] It does get hard. Breaking a cycle isn't, isn't easy, guys. If it was, we would already been there. And not in complacency, or not doing the same thing. Or maybe not even sitting in the same place because it feels good. Maybe even looking for that next job. [00:17:43] Maybe even asking someone a question. What might seem easy to me might not be easy to you. So taking that next step, what if it's that you want to be more organized? So maybe one of the things you can do is write down the things that you need to do tomorrow. [00:18:00] It does a couple things. It gets it off your mind so you can even sleep better, believe me when I tell you. [00:18:06] And then it probably will help you to be organized the next day. These are the things. And then open it up to a week, write it down. Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday. [00:18:16] Write it out by Friday. Insert date. I'm gonna have these things done. [00:18:22] Knock it out, do the thing you can. Then it turns into this month I'm gonna do this. Then it turns into this quarter I'm going to do this. Then it turns into, guess what? This year, I'm going to do this. So now I have the breakdown of what the yearly plan is. I got the quarterly plan. Okay. I got the monthly plan, and I got the weekly plan. So now it's easy, because day by day, I'm getting that week thing done. It can be done when we break these things down into small, manageable pieces. I also am an educator. I educate at the collegiate level. [00:18:56] And as I closed out my last in person class, where I'm teaching organizational behavior this semester, as I closed that out, I said to them, I wanted the graduating seniors to come up to the front. The graduating senior one was there, and the graduating senior came up to the front, and I said, hey, by row. So there's four rows. I have four teams in my semester, in my class this semester. And I said, by row, I want you all to give one strength that we can leave this amazing scholar with. And she was so appreciative, and they were like, oh, my gosh. We've never done something like this before. I want you to be powered before you go out so that you can understand how people see you. What are the strengths that they see in you? And if you've been around me long enough, then I've done popcorn style. So we can do that to other people who are inside of our space, because it's so super important to do. Because sometimes we don't even know what we project onto others we think we know. But sometimes they give us a strength that we didn't even recognize that we had. It's so amazing. But we show up in these things every single day, every single moment, and sometimes we need somebody else to tell us, so they go on and they tell her, and then she gives back to the group about what this experience meant to her inside of this class. Yeah. When I teach, it's a whole experience. It's not just the textbook. We do all of the things. But I just want you to know that there's power in bringing people up and edifying them and amplifying them. Because when she now goes into the workforce, oh, my gosh, guess what? She'll never forget. She'll never forget that moment, that experience, that thing. And then hopefully, she never forgets what they've said to her in the power of not only one from the four groups, but other people then added in, and so she sees it, she feels it, she knows it, and she can act in it, that there is power, that there is helping her to be able to break out of the shell of the seed that there is helping her to not only be a caterpillar, but now to blossom because she has now some encouragement, she has some motivation, she has some strength in order to do that, that now helps her become the conductor aboard her train. No trust and believe that she can veer off of any track. She's not stuck on any track. Neither are you. So whatever it is that you're thinking about for your next steps, I want you to push through it, because you absolutely can. I want you to think about breaking the cycle. I want you to think about the b r e a k that we talked about today. I want you to think about the things that Sandra said today to add into the conversation. I want you to think about these three scenarios that I gave you today and apply then I want you to think about maybe even writing down your age and writing all of those things that you are going to do in the next year. I actually got that idea from doctor Safiya Rahman, who is the therapist that set each and everyone who's the on site therapist that's at each and every one of my women's weekend renewal retreats. And one day we were doing our one year, we were doing our vision boards and she wrote out, she said, I'm going to write out my age and write out all of the things I'm going to do this year. And she knocked them all out. One was, I mean, they, they were small. One was that I want to go to. I want to do a hot yoga class, right? All of the things. So they. My point is that they could be small things. I want to make sure I walk three, three days a week. I want to make sure I travel to Italy this year. [00:22:23] You can do all of those things. I want to make sure I go to a weekend alone for a hotel room, get a hotel room and spend a weekend by myself. All of those things are so super important. And so I encourage you. I'm gonna do that with my twelve year old. He'll be 13 next year, so we're gonna write down 13 things that he wants to accomplish for next year. I'm super excited about that. All of these things. I hope you guys enjoyed and I hope that it's something that is gonna help you to lead yourself differently, lead yourself into a new plateau, not only for today, but honestly, guys, in the future, for all of the things that you wanna do. Thanks, Sandra, for adding into the conversation today. And then if you all do not already follow me in all of the places and spaces you can go to. Hey, coach Walker. On Instagram. Go to Facebook, coaching, cocktails and conversations LinkedIn. Just go to lolitowalker.com dot click on one of the links at the top if you're on Clubhouse and you can just connect to me all of the ways. I want to thank you guys for all of the things. All right, see you guys next time. [00:23:25] We have concluded yet another episode of coaching, cocktails and conversations, the podcast with Lolita E. Walker connect with [email protected] for speaking, coaching and my books. The intersection of you and change. And can we talk letters and poems to reclaim a bolder you? Listen. Have you already grabbed your CCNC garb? [00:23:52] Yes, we are coming with tumblrs, stimulus glasses, a journal, a hoodie, and don't forget the t shirt we are leaning all the way in. We also know that coaching, cocktails and conversations is a movement. Not only is it paraphernalia, not only is it this powerful podcast that you have right here in this right now, but it is a Zoom cast. It is a coaching community. It is a Facebook group. It is a clubhouse group. Go ahead and lean into lolitawalker.com to see all things coaching, cocktails and conversations. And next time bring a friend. Invite them to like, to share and to give that five star review. Cheers. I cannot wait to see you back around my kitchen table for coaching, cocktails and conversations. The podcast with Lolita E. Walker.