Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Speaker A: You all who don't know me, I am Lolita E. Walker. I'm a certified life leadership and executive coach. I am a power speaker, a mom, a mentor, an author, podcaster, doctoral student, you name it, I'm doing the things. But when I come here, I love to leave you with a power. Half an hour and we're going to be talking today about rebounding beyond limits. Now, I love to say I like to bring a little bit of coaching, cocktails and conversations to the table. Coaching is where I leave you with just a couple nuggets to challenge your thinking. That's it. You, you pick up the ones that you love, you drop the ones that you don't. Then cocktails is not so much about what you're sipping on, it's more about celebrating the greatness of who you are. So during this time, I'm gonna give you a cheers if you are bold enough to come off mic, engage in this juicy conversation that I'm aiming to have with you today. If you want to type into YouTube or Facebook or LinkedIn, you too can do that, too, and join in the power of the conversation. And then that leads us to, to the juicy conversations that I hope we get into today. You know, this topic, I think, really goes in line with the comeback. It's about rebounding beyond your limits. It's about this game of resilience that we play each and every day. Sometimes we can get ourselves stuck in analysis, paralysis. Now, I know you, you, you probably haven't been there, but for those that might have been there, those that might have been there, and sometimes you find yourself stuck. Sometimes you question yourself, sometimes you think you're an imposter. Sometimes you are comparing yourself to others. Sometimes you get your mind, all your mind is all types of tied up. And today I want to talk to you about having a rebounding mindset. That's what we're going to talk about today, having a rebounding mindset. Now, it's not always easy. And if you've listened to me before, then you know I'm always bringing a metaphor into, into the play. Today we're gonna, we're gonna do this with a metaphor of playing a basketball game. Now, in your mind, in your reality, you can play. Okay? I don't know if you're like me and can't really dribble and you can't put it between your legs, but today you are one of the best players out there. Okay? So we are on this basketball team and we're gonna just think about this, just Like a player rebounds after someone has missed the shot. Okay. After. When a player rebounds, we're going to delve into strategies for really bouncing back. Sometimes we got to know that we can bounce back. Why? Because we bounced back before. And I think oftentimes, if you're anything like me, oftentimes, we might forget that the bounce back is real. This is a momentary interruption in my life, and I want you to remember that the bounce back is real. So as we rebound, like, think about. The crowd is roaring. The ball is in play. We're moving, we're moving. Our minds are on the court. Okay, the first thing I want you to think about, the first strategy is to position your thoughts.
Find your mental sweet space. Okay. Box out all the negative negativity. I heard Marcus this morning talking about just kind of boxing out and taking a detox and moving some things out of your space, like intentionally determining that. Today I'm not going to start with social media. Nope. Today I actually am going to start with prayer. I'm actually going to start with meditation. I'm actually going to start by standing up and moving my body, hearing those creeks and cracks and all of the things. I'm going to feel something inside of me. I'm going to detox my mind. And what if we positioned our thoughts?
I love to know. How are people positioning their thoughts? How do you position your thoughts as you start your day?
For me, because I want you guys to think for me.
I get up in the morning and I know, you know what? Today I'm gonna walk. And it's not always the easiest thing. But what I did is I didn't set the goal for seven days a week. I set the goal for at least four days out of this week. I'm gonna walk because I wanted to give my myself time. I wanted to position myself for success. Because coming from 0 to 7, 0 to 100% might be a stretch, but we're rebounding. And the beauty about rebounding is that you can go even further than where you started, but it takes time. How are you positioning your thoughts?
[00:04:32] Speaker B: I think, good morning, everybody.
When I think about that, as an instructor, I often think about the. When we're creating our lesson plans and we're thinking about what. What are the things that we want students to know and what are the things we want them to be able to do? And I take those questions and I refer them back to me. And that's just simply prioritizing and planning, naming our day. So positioning your thoughts, meaning putting them in order. It's not something that you do fleetingly. And I think oftentime we are not successful, it's because we do not give that space, we not give that event or initiative time. We do not give it enough time so that we can be successful in it. And usually for me, that happens the night before. What I want to do the day before happens in the planning session the night before, I literally sit down and say, how do I. I want to feel tomorrow? What do I want to accomplish? And. And how do I want to feel? That's usually first in the morning. I want to feel alive. I want to feel fresh, refreshed. I want to have clarity of thought. I want to wake up and have this mindset of seizing the day. So the night before, I literally write down the things that I want to do. If it is, I'm going to get up and I'm going to enjoy a cup of coffee with the sunrise. I'm literally going to write that down, and then I'm going to not only plan on paper, but I'm actually going to put the things that I need to make this happen in place. It's kind of like you gave the basketball analogy, but for me, it's kind of like, what do you call it when you're packing your food for the next day? The people who are.
[00:06:39] Speaker A: Oh, meal prep.
[00:06:40] Speaker B: Yes, it's prepping. For prepping. I meal prep my day with all of the ingredients, all of the things that I'm going to need to feel how I want to feel and to make sure that I am achieving. Like you say, walk. Yeah. That's part of my day. And I make sure I plan it the day before. Even with the shoes that I'm gonna wear, the outfit that I'm going to wear, what happens if it's going to rain and I want to walk? What is my plan? A? So in order to get position your day or prioritize your day, planning happens or should happen. Planning and prepping should happen first. I'm Stacy and I'm done speaking.
[00:07:21] Speaker A: Oh, my gosh. I love that, Stacy. I love that. Because when we talk about positioning your thoughts, anticipating your thoughts might be the rebound, right? Anticipating your thoughts, anticipating where you might have to rebound, anticipating what might go wrong. And I know oftentimes because we're in this go go society, you know, sometimes we forget that we can plan, we can plan our day. What do we want to feel like at the end of that day? What do we want to have accomplished? And even if you don't accomplish those things, that's why I'm always talking about the small wins board. Because there is a win that has happened inside of your day and for that we will celebrate. So good. And I think that comes with the second strategy of timing your resilience because we can time our mental jumps. So there's going to be a time in our day where we're going to have to jump. Something's not going to be exactly as we planned it. So when self, when self doubt wants to shoot, right, we thinking of a basketball game, there's somebody in there, somebody trying to, trying to get the ball from you. When self doubt is right in front of you and goes to shoot, be there. Be there. So now you can leap, right now you can leap and you leap with your self belief. You. You leap with exactly what the plan is. You leap and you, you grab it. You grab that thing and we have the ability to do that. So I absolutely love that you said that. You know, when we even think about offensive rebounds, I'm, I want to liken that to overcoming imposter syndrome, because imposter syndrome is this inner opponent. Think of that. It's this inner opponent. It's inside of you. It's this, it's this thinking. It's. It's like missing a layup. But here's the thing, is that we can rebound. And so in rebounding from imposter syndrome or from mind paralysis or from something that didn't go as planned, we have the opportunity to do that. And there's a couple of plays that I want to talk to you guys about today. And again, jump in for anybody who wants to add in, because I know for this one right here, there's so many people that struggle with this or have experience. Let's not even say struggle. Let's say people have experience with the imposter. That's within the impostor. That, that's within the. You can't do that. The oh, am I going to be good enough for that? The oh, I might not write that book because who's going to read it? Who's really going to be reading this thing? I know when I wrote my first book that came across, my mind is, who's really gonna read this thing?
Oh, my goodness. Because you can anticipate that. Then I added it as pieces to my coaching practice because it's that good. I added it to that. I talked to people about it. So if you know that, okay, that might be something, well, let me go ahead and plan for that. I want you to even Anticipate where your mental jumps need to happen.
Because when you start talking to that inner opponent, when you start really showing up to that inner opponent, that thing shrinks. Believe me. You are the captain of the ship. You are the captain of the team. You're already doing the thing.
You're. You're driving that thing. And so the first play is to predict your shot trajectory.
Be a rebounding Sherlock Holmes, y'all. Be a rebounding Sherlock Holmes. Figure out where your confidence is and bounce back right away. Intercepted midair. We're talking about a basketball game. If you just started listening in. I'm talking about how do you rebound beyond limits? This game we're talking about, this basketball game is your game of resilience. And I want you to be the player. You to be the captain of the team, you to be the one giving direction. You to be the one that's talking to your inner opponents and your outer opponents, you taking a look at the plays on a game. I love that Dr. Luckett said, you know what? We got a plan for this thing. When we position our thoughts, when we think about the game, when we think about that thing, we're going to properly plan for that. And even if it goes awry, even if it goes awry, we've already started predicting, we've already started talking to the inner opponent that might be imposter.
I'm pausing to let you guys jump in if you want to because, listen, when we start fighting through those mental box outs, I want you to think about outmaneuvering.
Who's boxing you out? Is it you? Come on. Is it somebody else that's trying to box you out? Sometimes it's taking a look at the entire play. It's not jumping in right away. Sometimes it's actually sitting on the bench and looking and observing, seeing how are people playing? What is the game? Is it the rules that I thought the rules were? Because I'm seeing something else happening right there. I want you to outmaneuver self doubt, pivot away from negativity. Use your mental forearm to hold your ground.
You have the power to do that. Absolutely. Hands down. You have the power to absolutely do that today.
Yeah. Go, please.
[00:12:35] Speaker C: Hey, good morning. So this is so good because out of everything, we've heard a lot this morning, it's just a reminder that we truly have control over our minds and over our lives.
[00:12:44] Speaker A: Lives.
[00:12:45] Speaker C: It just feels like sometimes we do not. So it's just, you know, active, reminding yourself who you are, what you're doing, what your goals Are and not getting distracted by anything else. And that's kind of what I took from this.
[00:12:56] Speaker A: Oh, that's so good, Rocky. And sometimes it's hard, you guys. Sometimes it's easier said than done, but the reality is, just do it. Somebody asked me the other day, do you scare yourself with all the things that you do? And I say, you know, when I talk about it out loud, when people ask about the things, and then they get impressed and they're like, oh, my gosh. It's scary sometimes when you think about it. But I don't think about it. I just do. I don't think about it. I just do. Because sometimes you. Your mind, the. The thoughts from other people, the stuff that they might say because they don't have the mental capacity to be able to do that thing can really scare you.
[00:13:37] Speaker D: Can I interject here?
[00:13:39] Speaker A: Yes, please. Jump in. Hey. Hi.
[00:13:41] Speaker D: This is Bush woman. How are you? I'm doing good.
I just came back from a fascinating adventure in Nairobi, Tanzania, and Zanzibar. And what was so fascinating was things went awry at times. And what I observed and what everybody observed is that the Jamie Bushman was. Was cool.
And I know. I know I can't control the situations that may happen unexpectedly, but I can control how I choose to react to it.
When I am trying to figure something else, or I say, trying to put on something to wear to go to work or whatever, I may be fortunate to plan ahead. Sometimes I do, and other times I just say, holy spirit, tell me what to wear. And all of a sudden I get a great idea for a great combination of colors. And the colors I wear make others feel better.
Simple things like that. I relish in paying attention to how my thoughts are making me feel. Because if I'm feeling yucky and feeling whatever it is I'm feeling that doesn't feel like a right vibe, I question the thought, why am I thinking this? Or why am I triggered by this particular conversation or person and what it is I have to learn in this process in order for me not to react that way the next time.
So learning and being aware of just the trees and the colors of the flowers as I walk by today and just relishing in that. And gratitude, an attitude of gratitude on a daily basis. Just the idea that I woke up because somebody didn't wake up today.
So, yeah, I just wanted to give that two cents. Thank you so much for the conversation. Great.
[00:15:19] Speaker A: Yeah. Yeah. I think two to your point, like gratitude. Sometimes it's in the gratitude that we see things and sometimes when you can wake up and you can just say, oh, my gosh, I'm just grateful that I'm here because I didn't have to wake up this morning. And when you live inside of that mindset, then I'm telling you, things will shift. And I want to encourage somebody who's listening in today that even if you don't feel like you've impacted today, I want you to know that somebody looked at something you did today and somebody gained something from it. I'm telling you, people are looking and listening all of the time. Think about on Clubhouse. People are listening all the time. People are garnering things from you. They're pulling things from you. People are taking a little bit of Lolita when they leave this today.
People listening in on LinkedIn or Facebook or YouTube, they're pulling something. People years from now that come back and listen back to this. Somebody's getting something from you who wanted to jump in.
[00:16:29] Speaker D: Yeah. One quick thing.
[00:16:31] Speaker B: Caveat.
[00:16:32] Speaker D: He had a photo shoot at this adventure tour, right? And some of the people were observing how I was taking the pictures, and they came to me and says, bush, woman, can you help me to take pictures? You know, I said, you know what? Just have fun. The problem is that everybody's trying to calculate how to do this and how to pose, and the. The. The time is going, I'm losing daylight. I said, just have fun with the whole thing. I said, first and foremost, think about sex if you want.
Just think about sex, honey. All the wonderful you've had and you will.
That I'm telling you. And they did it. And I was there coaching a couple of them, and they did it. They just saw themselves in a whole different way in the photograph, because to change their mindset to something that shifted it.
So, yeah, be there. Where is key. Thanks.
[00:17:27] Speaker A: I love that.
Yeah.
[00:17:31] Speaker B: So I was thinking about when you were talking about the whole rebounding, and I appreciate what she said about having fun and. And being fluid with life. But when I was thinking about the whole thing. When you're involved with imposter syndrome or you have this fixed mindset that Carol often speaks about, it's not where the individual is so immersed in. In those feelings and those minds, that mindset, those negative thoughts. The thoughts don't deserve this space that I've gone to, schools that I've trained for all of these years. I really, really don't deserve to be in this space that's not so easy to peel those layers, to unwrap those chains from around your mind. And so that's why it's so important that that intentionality piece, the pause piece that you often talk about is very important. Important even to get. To get assistance to help with that process, because sometimes you. It's very difficult to unwrap yourself and to get out of that haze that you're dealing in. And one. One thing that I found successful, and it's one of the strategies that you and I have actually gone through, and I don't know what you intentionally called it, but I do remember lifting fact to fiction. That's something that we all can do when we find ourselves in those spaces of imposter syndrome, in those spaces to where we. We know that we've done the work. We know that we are good with one side of our thinking, but with that other side that has arrested us. How can I get this chokehold so that simply lifting back to fiction when you say I am not good enough to be in this position? Well, let's look at this.
What have you done? I do have a master's in blah, blah, blah. I do have a bachelor's. I do have a doctorate. I do have. I have done this in this field. I have. So that's. That's your way of chipping down all of those negative thoughts that whether someone else did it or you just decided to wrap around your own mind. We have to have strategies to help us through those things. Even when we're by ourselves and we're with someone else, it. We really have to be intentional about doing that work.
[00:20:07] Speaker A: You know what? That's so good. So with some of my clients, I do. I love that you brought that up. Is. You know, you can. When I'm talking about fighting through mental box outs, one opportunity that you have to do that, if you draw a box, literally on a sheet of paper. You guys, if you draw a box and then you put. What is it that your mind is saying? I'm not good enough to do this. I shouldn't be in this space. I'm not senior enough to do this. I don't have as much experience as everyone else. Whatever that negative thought is, I want you to write it inside of the box. And then what Stacy's really talking about is, now what are the facts that really surround us? Like, is that really true? So now I want you to think about, well, what could. What could make that not true? Like, let's. Let's. Let's draw out some lines outside of that, and let's talk about some things of how that actually isn't true. Let's really start to write those things out. So that's what Stacy was really talking about. When you bring. Is it really? Where are your facts and where's the fiction? Where are your facts and where's the fi. The fiction? This box, right? It's really fighting through the mental box outs. Like, who's trying to box you out? What is that thought that is trying to box you out? No, I will not stay in this box. Right? It's really that piece. When you have this mental paralysis, we'll call it, is that sometimes you got to play the game yourself. Sometimes you got to play the game yourself because the mental challenges, sometimes it's just your mind playing tricks on you. It's the thoughts, these intrusive thoughts that are coming into play. But sometimes we got to be there to defend. We have to be there to play offense. We got to be there to defend ourselves. And when we think about the defense of it all, we're not waiting for validation. We're jumping in, all in with self worth. We're being the ones to initiate the belief. We're healing. We are not allowing trauma paralysis, mind paralysis to really take us down. We might get injured during a game, we might be down for part of the game, but we're going to rehab in our minds. We're going to rehab our minds to ensure that we are reestablishing our mental position like we talked about before. We're reestablishing our mental position. We're positioning our thoughts in a different type of way. We're boxing out those painful memories. We're boxing those things out. And here's the thing. You're boxing it out with help. We're not just pushing it underneath. When we talk about healing, when we talk about the defense of it all, then there's help for us.
We don't have to do it alone. And so I want to encourage you all today to pop into the game. Today is your day. Get into the game. Today is the day that I want you to look at this as basketball.
We're playing. We're on offense and we're on defense. We're protecting ourselves. But at the same time, we're growing and saying, absolutely not. At the same time, we're saying that we are ready to find out mental sweet spot. We're not staying inside of the box anymore. We might not be here tomorrow, but today. What I'm gonna do today is I'm. I'm going all in. I'm the captain, and I want you all to remember that you Are the captain in every single time. Every single time. I love that Ada or I hope I said that right. Said with people who deal with people who lift you and let me just read it. With people who lift you up and have things to make us become a better person. Absolutely. Yeah. The exercise one that is, is good. Write it, do it on a sheet of paper. I love the pencil and pen exercises because in your journal, hopefully you have the coaching cocktails and conversations journal. But in your journal, these type of exercises, I like to call them soul work. You go back and you look at it. I went out with someone who was my client previously the other day, and she said, lolita, I don't even know if you know this, but there was an exercise that we. I had her draw a tree. It was for her specific situation anyway, but she said, I go back and I look at those things and I look at the growth of where I am now in the mindset I had then. And when I fall short and I have to go back, I look at where I am now and I just thought that was so amazing because in those journals of soul work, if you have my first book, the intersection of you and Change, it's a book of soul work. If you listen to my first and second seasons of coaching cocktails and conversations, the podcast, like literally, I'm taking you through exercises, we're drawing, we're talking, we're doing equations of life because that is sometimes the work that we need in order to rebound. So I hope you guys are walking away with, you know, some juiciness today. I know I am. And I just wanted to open it up one more time for anybody that had anything additional that they wanted to add before I recap. Oh, Lolita.
[00:25:01] Speaker E: Oh, Lolita. My goodness. I don't know if you hit so many things right on the nail. I did a talk yesterday.
[00:25:09] Speaker D: You're.
[00:25:09] Speaker E: You're right in my space about perseverance and determination. Your what ifs, your what ifs. And the what ifs is those things that we say to ourselves because we stop ourselves from doing what we are supposed to be doing, what we're purpose for. And if your what if is that you're so scared to do it, then it's time for you to work on you. It starts with your inner work on you. We don't take self evaluation seriously. We don't take personal development seriously. And so if you're what if scares you, if that's what it is, that's that fear, that scarcity, that's. That's stopping you from getting in the game, playing full out with all your armor, with your helmet and everything ready to go to work. Then you have to pause and stop and say, okay, what is it that's stopping me? Is it me? I need to go to work on me. I need to go back to the drawing board and fix and work on me. So you hit so many things that I just was talking about. That's confirmation. Thank you, sis.
[00:26:10] Speaker A: Oh, yes, Trish, I love that.
I love that sometimes it's the com. It's the confirmation in the conversation. I'm always talking about leveraging the power of your voice. But the reason that is so powerful is sometimes as you start speaking, realization happens. I walk around and talk to myself all the time out loud, because there's power in saying the things out loud. When you put voice to something, it's happening. So that's why it's so important. Important that we do exercises like the box out. That's why it's so important that we do exercises like that because we want to free pour life back into the thought that that happened to come into my space. I want to remind you that I'm standing right here. I want to remind you that, that. That that thought isn't taking hold anymore. You sat here for a little while, you took up some real estate, but now you got to move because I've got other things to do.
My son, the. My son just published a book. I talked to you guys about that before. It's called it's not fair, a book about divorce by a son and his mommy.
And it's for elementary age students. But it's so interesting is that he didn't want to do it first, right? So, okay, I only push you right to the edge. And then we put it down. Four and a half years later, I moved into my new place and found a manuscript. And he was ready. On his time, on his time. Sometimes saying it out loud, putting it in print, writing it in your journal, being able to articulate puts you back into the game because the game took you out. But it wasn't the game that took you out. It was your thoughts that took you out. It's what you think people might think about you. It's what you're thinking that you're not able to do. But yes, you can.
Yes you can. And you will connect yourself with people who are already doing the thing. Because when you're around it, when you feel it, when you see it, then you gonna do it. You're gonna do it. That's why when you're young, your parents told you birds of a feather flock together. Get into the circles of where you want to be.
Who cares that you're not there now? Get into the circle of people who are going to push you, who are even doing better than you, who are. Who are where you want to be. Because then that stuff is contagious.
Be around a lot of authors and know you gonna write a book. Be around somebody that's going back to school and know that you're going back to school. Be around somebody who's studying, who's. Who's working hard on their presentations, who every time you call and say, hey, let's go to the party, they say, okay, I'm gonna come. I'm gonna be a little late because I gotta do this thing today. Be around those people. If that's where you want to be, then put yourself into the game today.
So I'm just so excited that we had an opportunity to talk about this today, you guys, and then we'll do it again next week.
[00:29:05] Speaker D: Boom.
[00:29:06] Speaker A: And bam. The end.
Crystal, you here?
[00:29:10] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:29:11] Speaker A: You're welcome. Hey.
